I'm too lazy to do an LJ cut. SPOILERS AHEAD. Just, y'know, deal with it if you get spoiled.
It's an okay book. Not fantastic writing, but almost up to par with the average book pulled off the shelves in the YA section of the library. Young adult books don't really set the standard very high, so for a book targeted at that demographic, I didn't really expect much anyway. It was a little boring. Had me slagging uphill just to finish it and move on to my enormous collection of Pratchett books I still have yet to read. Whatever. It's just a book.
Tbqh, I have no frickin' clue what all the batshit crazy is about. I tackled the thing expecting that it must have something to do with wish-fulfillment -- that is, that all these squealing girls and soccer moms must want a boyfriend/husband who is *just like Edward*.
Um. Seriously? You want *this guy*? I don't know, maybe it's just me. Personally? It would not be too much of an exaggeration to say that he is my anti-dream guy. I do not see the appeal at all. He's controlling, grouchy, patronizing, angsty, and in a constant state of PMS. As for judgements in the shallow end of the pool, he always looks like a seventeen-year-old (I'm into older guys, if that wasn't obvious by now), he has no physical imperfections to add character or interest to his appearance, he's all gross and pale, and his skin is cold and hard -- I don't follow how kissing him would be at all satisfying, since it sounds a bit like banging a refrigerator against your lips. He doesn't respect Bella's opinions at all, and on those rare occasions that he is actually in a good mood, he always seems like he's quietly mocking her. I cannot stand people like that.
Bella must have some serious daddy issues, because Edward treats her like an unusually controlling father might. This weird part-father, part-chaste lover rapport creeps me the fuck out. I would have a lot more respect for Meyer if she had actually meant it to come off that way -- a twisted, codependent, self-involved, doomed relationship between a naive teenage girl and a self-loathing vampire. As it stands, I can muster some respect for the dead-on portrayal of the self-involvement of teenagers, how Edward and Bella hold the recurring belief that theirs is a love that is bigger and more profound than any other love that came before it.
I went into the book figuring that is I couldn't appreciate Twilight for the srs biznis, I could at least enjoy it for the lulz. And no question, there were some fantastic unintentionally hilarious parts. The meadow scene springs to mind. I literally laughed-out-loud all the way through that chapter. It's especially lulzy if you read it aloud in a melodramatic voice. But I expected more laughs and less eye-rolling. The sixth (or so) time Edward and Bella had their "Don't go, I need you! But you must leave, it's too dangerous! But I can't bear to leave you!" conversation, I nearly chucked the book across the room in frustration. And from that little teaser of the make-me-a-vampire "conflict" during the prom, I have a creeping feeling that it's going to be hotly-anticipated sequel to the leave-stay-leave "conflict". Oh, boy. Just hand me that copy of "New Moon", pronto.
I had a good laugh when the plot finally turned up and we were three-quarters of the way through the book. Poor little plot.
This is the bit that I'm definitely going to get lynched for. Those who enjoy the book to any degree all seem to agree that Alice is awesome. Jasper also seems to be a favourite. And don't get me wrong, they were comparitively good characters. Way cooler than the two romantic leads. But. Honestly? They were a little dull. Especially in that whole part where they hang out in some unidentified room in Phoenix. Also, I prefer Jasper to Alice (AUGH DON'T HURT ME I DIDN'T MEAN IT NOOOOO), and my overall favourite characters were Emmett and Jacob. I'm pleased to hear that Jacob has a much bigger role in "New Moon", though it's too bad that his character degenerates into asshattery in the third and fourth books. Oh, gods, how I'm dreading "Breaking Dawn".
I still kind of want to see the movie. From what I've heard, it's way better than the books. And Robert Pattinson is kind of hilarious IRL, and he seems to loathe Edward just about as much as I do, so that should be good stuff.
This makes me sound like way more of a hater than I am. I'm not a Twilight-hater. I'm not even a lol-fan. I'm just a person who read the book.