Erin (absinthe_spoons) wrote,
Erin
absinthe_spoons

My New Favourite Show

Yeah, hi. So. I watched Prison Break. Now there is a crappy show. But I've found a new show, it's called The Alexander Mahone Show. It's quite a bit shorter than your average series -- this episode was only four scenes -- but the quality is much better, and the lead is much more attractive and talented than that Wentworth Miller fellow. So this week, instead of doing a reaction post for PB, I'll be doing one for TAMS.

I've transcribed all four scenes, since Alex has some great, snarky lines this week. I've actually done this for the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. I have this huge notepad document full of Alex scenes on my laptop. Also, I am quite a bit pathetic but enjoying every single minute of it, so bugger off.

(AGENTS LANG AND WHEELER ARE TRANSPORTING ALEX)
ALEX: How much longer?
LANG: Another hour or so. Just sit tight.
ALEX: I need to use the men's room.
WHEELER: Congratulations.
ALEX: What d'you think I'm gonna do, run?
WHEELER: That's exactly what I think you're gonna do.
ALEX: (DEADPAN) You want me to go in the back seat, right here?
WHEELER: (ANGRY) I want you to have a little bit of respect for my intelligence, Alex.
ALEX: I do, which is why I know you wouldn't violate code 42-13-72B, which states that an individual being transported by a representative of the criminal justice system must be afforded the opportunity to relieve himself if the duration of the transport is more than three hours, and... I do believe we're creeping up on that time.
WHEELER: All right. I'll see what I can do. But I'm gonna remind you of a code -- the one that says that if a prisoner attempts escape during transfer, the accompanying agent has the right to shoot him through the back of the head. (LANG LOOKS OVER AT WHEELER, ALARMED BY HIS BLUNTNESS) You sure you don't wanna hold it, Alex?
ALEX: Oh yeah, I'm sure.
Notes: Your hair isn't looking as terrible as it was last week, Mark (HIS NAME IS ADAM, K?), but your attitude is, if possible, even worse. As excited as I was to see Wheeler, his role in these episodes could easily have been replaced by Sullins, and avoid ruining an awesome character. I love the look on Alex's face when he says "You want me to go in the back seat, right here?". Priceless Fichtner. Also, I love that Alex might actually be better at manipulating the law now that he's a fugitive than he was when he was a law enforcement agent. Never before has citing code numbers been so sexy.

(LANG IS MAKING SURE THE GRATES ON THE WINDOWS ON A ROADSIDE PUBLIC WASHROOM ARE SECURE; WHEELER HOLDS ALEX AT GUNPOINT AS THEY MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE MEN'S ROOM DOOR)
ALEX: This is officially now the most secure bathroom break in the history of law enforcement.
WHEELER: Yes, it is.
ALEX: Hey, look, if you want to cuff me, block off all the exits, take it out and give it a tap, if it makes you happy.
WHEELER: Would that make *you* feel happy, Alex? I hear prison can change a man. (THEY REACH THE DOOR; ALEX TURNS AROUND, BUT LANG INTERJECTS)
LANG: Can we just get this over with? (ENTERS THE MEN'S ROOM AND LOOKS AROUND; EXITS -- TO WHEELER) All clear.
WHEELER: You have fifteen seconds. (ALEX NODS AND ENTERS; LANG AND WHEELER WAIT FIFTEEN SECONDS, THEN WHEELER NODS TO LANG, WHO GOES TO OPEN THE DOOR; ALEX OPENS IT BEFORE SHE CAN MOVE THE DOOR)
ALEX: That wasn't so bad, now, was it? (WHEELER TURNS AWAY, LOOKING BOGGLED; TO LANG, QUIETLY) You should've trusted me. Like I trusted you.
(WE DISCOVER THAT A PIPE HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM ONE OF THE SINKS)
Notes: OH NO HE DI'INT. That was some great testosterone-ish banter there. So many snarky lines for Alex. I would just LOVE it if these three could be forced to work together. The bickering, with each taking the role of referee in turns (as Lang does here), would be fantastic. Also -- Jesus, they didn't give him much time to pee. I'm not a man, granted, but that seems really harsh.

(ALEX, LANG AND WHEELER ARE BACK IN THE CAR)
ALEX: I'm just curious, Lang. When did you decide to turn your back on me?
WHEELER: Probably about the same time you decided to become a fugitive.
ALEX: I wasn't talking to you.
LANG: I took an oath to uphold the law, Alex.
ALEX: Did you do it for a promotion? (LANG TURNS AROUND TO LOOK AT HIM) Did they promise you anything to serve me up?
LANG: The only thing I ever wanted was your safety, Alex. The longer you're on the run, the lower my chance of getting what I want. (ALEX DOESN'T RESPOND, AND GOES QUIET; HE TAKES OUT THE PIPE AND STARTS WATCHING THE ROADSIDE INTENTLY)
WHEELER: Whatcha looking for out there, Alex?
ALEX: (SPOTS A LIKELY-LOOKING ENTRANCE INTO THE FOREST) There. (SMASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW WITH THE PIPE, REACHES THROUGH THE WINDOW AND OPENS IT FROM THE OUTSIDE, TUMBLES OUT OF THE CAR AND RUNS AWAY; WHEELER STOPS THE CAR AND BOTH AGENTS GET OUT AND RUN AFTER HIM)
WHEELER: (INTO HIS RADIO) I've got a suspect fleeing custody off route 14 about three miles north of Greenberg. Requesting back-up and air support.
Notes: Goddamn, that was bad-ass. He's such a BAMF. Nice stunts, too. I almost bought that Wheeler pulled over to the side of the road to let Alex have a softer landing. Nice. I love the tone in Alex's voice when he says "There.". Just sayin'.

(LANGS PURSUES ALEX THROUGH THE TREES; AT ONE POINT, ALEX STOPS AND CHOOSES A NEW DIRECTION; LANG STOPS AT THE SAME POINT TO RECONSIDER HER DIRECTION; EVENTUALLY, ALEX RUNS INTO A CLEARING, RIGHT INTO LANG'S SIGHTS)
LANG: (COCKS HER GUN) Don't move.
ALEX: (PANTING) That's a hell of a job, Agent Lang.
LANG: You're the one who taught me how to read the mind of a convict on the run, remember?
ALEX: If you take me in I'm as good as dead, you know that. So. I'm gonna run now, and if you need to stop me, you're gonna have to shoot.
LANG: Don't make me do this.
ALEX: (QUIETLY) I'm sorry. (PAUSE) Another time, another place, eh, Felicia?
LANG: (JERKILY; THE GUN IS TREMBLING IN HER HANDS) I will pull this trigger. (ALEX LOOKS RESIGNED, THEN TURNS ASIDE AND WALKS AWAY; LANG SHOOTS)
(IT WAS A FAKE-OUT; WHEELER COMES RUNNING)
WHEELER: What happened?
LANG: He got away.
WHEELER: Did you have him?
LANG: (FLUSTERED) Uh, yeah, I... I thought I had him in my sights, I, I... I just missed!
WHEELER: (IMPATIENT) Did you see where he went? Or did you just miss that too.
LANG: (OUT OF BREATH, SHE GESTURES IN THE DIRECTION OPPOSITE OF ALEX'S PATH) He went East. (WHEELER GOES IN THE DIRECTION INDICATED; LANG STOPS PRETENDING TO BE OUT OF BREATH, AND LOOKS TO THE DIRECTION ALEX TOOK; ALEX IS STANDING NOT FAR AWAY, AND COMMUNICATES HIS THANKS IN A LOOK, THEN WALKS AWAY; LANG LOOKS WISTFULLY AFTER HIM)
Notes: Awww, she wuvs him. Poor Lang. It's not enough that she's in love with a man who's in love with another woman, no -- she has to be in love with the fugitive she's supposed to be sending to jail. *tears* Hey, so is Wheeler Lang's boss? 'Cause that would just generally suck a lot.


So what happened on Prison Break of note? Sucre left. Bye, Sucre! I'll miss you, bb. Also, apparently we need to throw boron, argon, gallium and and indium into a mixing pot and get magical solar power. Right. (ETA: I don't know, this might be an actual theory under examination -- I don't really care, tbh.) I'll just be over here, fast-forwarding through all your scenes. I swear, next time. Of course, knowing my karma with this show, next ep Alex will be reintegrated into the main plot.

I go home tomorrow! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *dances*
Oh, and you need to go here if you haven't already, because you need to. That is the end of it.
Tags: alex/lang, alexander mahone, lang, music, pb season iv, pb: going under, prison break, wheeler
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